Friday, September 28, 2018

Latest EMDR update

After being off last week (due to the fact that I was just returning home from AT!) I picked up with EMDR again this week. 
We're still working on the current target, which is trauma from a school some years after my first grade trauma. My previous posts have mentioned this "teacher," and how spineless and pathetic he really was-so much though that it's funny. Seriously, it is. 
I started off the session with aggressive thoughts towards this "teacher." Deep down inside, as I believe that I was written, I do honestly feel bad because he was obviously deeply traumatized himself. While it is not my place to make assumptions, and nothing's set in stone, just know that we do have a faint idea of what possibly COULD have happened earlier in his life. 
The thoughts that I had during the first half of the session were aggressive, aggravated thoughts. "He deserved to be hit" "he was so bloody spineless it was funny." I also experienced physical feeling of tension and dizziness, as I often do during sessions. 
As the session progressed however, I was able to clear my mind more. The feeling became much more peaceful and calm, and I began feeling much more grounded. The feeling of the goddess Morrigan was with me again, as well as my spirit animal. 
At the end of the session, my practitioner remarked that I had done a LOT of work today-and I told her that I had actually felt it getting done! She says that everything seems to be going very, very well, and that the signs are very good. I walked out very very calm and grounded-honestly the equivalent of what I've felt after a Reiki session. 
I must say, however, as the day progressed at home some more feelings of anger at this teacher did once again surface. However, this is not abnormal at all! When this happens, it actually means that the EMDR is working-it is bringing up "raw emotions" as your brain rewires itself. Drink lots of water and take a nap. Meditate, even. This is a good sign-it will pass!     
EDIT: Here's another things that I've noticed in the past couple of weeks: my brain processing seems to be speeding up. People around me have noticing that as well. I asked my practitioner if the quicker brain processing speed could be attributed to the EMDR in some way and she said yes, possibly; those who suffer from a lot of anxiety have often have slower brain processing. I always attributed it to ADHD, but she says that anxiety can play a huge role in it as well-those with extreme anxiety are usually so "all over the place" and the dissipation of the anxiety-through EMDR or otherwise-can and does cause clearer, faster thinking. Interesting!     

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