Create what you desire...

 

I made a good investment in a Zoom class tonight via the Reiki Center “Create What You Desire” aimed toward using the Law of Attraction to “go inside yourself” and manifest the New Year that you want. Overall, it was an intense experience, and very enlightening! I did take notes of all that I “downloaded” etc. So without further ado:

 First off, the first question was “What do you desire to create?” We were instructed to write down the first words/feelings that came to mind. What I wrote down was POWERFUL, WORTHY, SASSY(!) I also had the vision of the Mjolnir (Thor’s Hammer) come into my mind, so I recorded that as well.

There is much that came up to me as wishing to manifest in the New Year, however I won’t bore with the details. As the first things were starting to come up, I felt something that I have felt for ages – that I am unworthy of feeling love. This is when Mr. Patch tapped in with a message confirming this. “Patchie says: Please Heart Chakra. Mr. Heart Chakra sad. Patchie is sad. Please love.” (Yes, word for word. I’ve taken Zoom classes with the lady who instructed us tonight and she thinks that he is a scream!) After trying to get how I *could* do this, the thought came to me to take tiny steps – think of something – anything – to send love to at that moment. I looked over and decided to send it to my stuffed beanie kitty that was sitting next to me (said kitty also happens to be black and white like Patch!) When I did this, a slight sense of relief washed over me and I saw Patch again – he had been in his “original” cute black and white cat form that he was in his Earthly life, but as this happened he transferred into his gorgeous white tiger form. Around this point, Sere the horse entered – glowing pink and green.

We were also told to ask our body what it needed/wanted. I got “more hydration” (can be a bad habit of mine drinking enough water, and when I do hydrate regularly I find that I feel much more grounded and clearheaded.) Also it wants more green tea – and white tea as well. I also get “more rest” and I took that to mean that I shouldn’t get all constantly gung-ho on my endurance running and rucking – know when I need to slow down on such things.

We talked about “blocks” and I know that I have tons that stem from my extreme childhood trauma and abuse (at an elementary school.) I believe that that is where my heart chakra issues come from, as well as my thoughts of being inadequate, unable to do anything, etc.

Going through the next few things, jobs, money, relationships, etc. things popped up for me. I definitely want to try for a work from home writing job, and maybe things pertaining to athletics as well – I’ve already reached to a couple of people pertaining to the latter. (With all of the Covid uncertainty flying up again though, who knows, things could very likely go remote again.)

It came to me though, that the job that I would eventually love to have is indeed a coding and/or cyber defense job. The word that came to my mind is BADASS! (ha ha.) I got the feeling that I “deserve to be wealthy.”

However, I often got the words (throughout the whole session) FIRE and FIERY going through my mind. That may have been a nod to my “true” passionate nature. However, I am wondering if this means that I will indeed have something happen re: firefighting. (I don’t work in it currently but I am trained and certified. I would love to get on a wildland crew and also be a structural volunteer should I end up in a place that has volunteer departments!)

I then wrote down three more things that I “love.” (Nothing was said by the instructor or anyone else – I was simply “guided” to.)

As far as relationships go, I am aro ace, so I am not ever interested in having anything romantic or intimate. However I got the thought “someone that I ‘vibe’ with.” I got the image of myself playing basketball with a young woman, with long red hair. (Some may have seen about the dream that I had where I beat a woman with long red hair at basketball…I got a “divine” vibe from her…she may have been Brigid, but I get the sense that she leaned more towards Angrboda.) Something about “mechanics” (i.e. working on cars – I’ve wanted to learn it for a while) also came up.

We had to write down things that we liked about *ourselves.* This was hard for me at first, but suddenly “I like my blue eyes” popped up. When I asked myself why I like my blue eyes, I got the feeling that “light blue eyes like mine often are a marker of Norse ancestry and the Norse gods, especially Odin, have been so good to me.” (Odin’s remaining eye, that one that he didn’t sacrifice, is exactly the same shade of blue as my own eyes.) 😊

As more went on, more words, as well as things about ourselves, popped up. I got BRAVERY, STRENGTH, ACCEPTANCE, LOVE FOR SELF. I also then ended up writing down that “I like my dark red hair, I like my freckles, I like my athletic abilities.”  

I was shocked when I wasn’t the only one to have the word “Freedom” come to me! And this is where my Indigo energies really started flying in. “OUR WAYS ARE OUTDATED!” Through me, there was “Freedom. Power. Did the world try to silence me – YES!” When we were asked to type in the chat something that *really* fires us up, mine was “injustice, all the blatant stupidity, and discrimination against autistics.” (Homophobia as well!)

“Patchie very happy!” (He was still in his white tiger form, now glowing yellow, the color of the solar plexus chakra – which corresponds to fire!) I felt myself say “There is total injustice and the system is broken!” My Indigo Child energies were *wild.* It was then that I felt Skadi, the Norse goddess of the snow and…freedom. (She’s a badass one!) I got the download that, “I am naturally a VERY fiery, powerful person – warrior!”

I also felt the goddesses Brigid, Danu, and Cliodna, the latter coming in the strongest. Then came in Archangel Michael very strongly, followed by Zadkiel. I only recently heard of Zadkiel, but I am indeed interested in him. He works, I believe, strongly with justice, and carries a dagger (rather than a sword like Michael.) There was also then the strong sense of Fenrir and Heimdall, both of whom (soon?) will play an integral part in Ragnarok (again, soon?) That’s again when I heard “Fire” – and I got a sense of living “out west” (Montana, Wyoming, Oregon?) (It just came to me now that wildfires are rampaging in Colorado…hmmm.)

But this is where it starts to get very, very, intense.

I got the sense that one of my most severe abusers (a first grade teacher) was trying to “get through to me.” I felt that she was feeling incredibly sorrowful…and was trying to give me back a soul piece that she took from me. HOLY. SHIT. I didn’t feel like I wanted to accept it at first…but I knew that I deserved it back. This was intensified by another “download.” 😊 “Patchie says: “Take!”’ So I accepted the soul piece back and felt that, if I couldn’t flat-out forgive right there and then, just write down the word “Forgive.” More info on her sprung up later…

And here is the “download” that I got about this teacher…who ruined my life (when I was six years old.) I got that she was afraid of me. Yes. An older woman…afraid of a six year old. I was, however, before this trauma, an incredibly strong-willed, assertive child. And I do mean *very* - I was always difficult. I actually scared this teacher. But in a way, it then came up, that a very tiny part of her – very tiny! – and maybe not even consciously – actually respected me. My strong, bold, self, is what she had wished that she herself had been as a child. (And given her age at the time, if she was a young girl in…the 1930’s? 1940’s?) she very likely would have been mostly silenced by all around her.) She was jealous of how bold and aggressive that I, a six year old girl was…and she felt that she couldn’t have me that way because she had never been that way, that she had to stamp it out of me, and make me the timid, submissive person that I was seen as for so many years after that. She was jealous of my strong, fierce nature. This is actually what came in to me. Un-fucking-believable. But honestly, it somehow made sense. A while after that, I got the image of myself as a small child screaming “Fuck you!” at said teacher. (Hmmm…maybe I actually did and blocked out the memory until now!)

Hmm…the word “love” came to me and I got the image of a young woman (again with red hair) coming to me and handing me a pink flower. 😊 This image made me happy! I also got the sense that people would and do respect me.

And then we got back to the “blue eyes” that I had earlier decided that I liked about myself. I had said then, because they are more often than not a marker of Norse (Viking) ancestry, and said deities have been so good to me. However, to the people of Ireland, land of my great-grandparents, fear of the “Northmen” was very real! (And they did indeed pillage Irish villages and rape Irish women…blue eyes aren’t the only trait; you can totally see it in my arms and shoulders.) So was there a small part of me that wanted to be “feared” as my Norse forebearers would have been to the native Irish forebearers? Norsemen (and women!) were tough. You had to be, to survive the harsh Scandinavian climate. (There is a book “The Raider Bride” by Joanna Wittenburg, third in a series – anyway, our heroine, a Norwegian shieldmaiden, travels to Ireland and is appalled by the “sniveling” Irish women, and how they sit at their spinning wheels all day. Actually hysterical…you wonder if the “Irish temper” came to Ireland with the Vikings! Good series, I recommend it.)

I got that I need to accept help from people. Also, my throat chakra is very much open and flowing…but I don’t know how to use it, in that I can come across as overly harsh (fairly common, though, for people who are once again regaining their assertiveness after many, many years.)

This was long! But again, this was a great experience. So much came up! I am so amazed at some of the things – my first grade teacher actually feared me – and respected me in a strange way!

I’m sure that all of my lessons will indeed serve me good in the New Year. Wow…it’s zero dark thirty as of writing this…(aka my favorite time of day.)

Skal and Happy 2022 to all. Best wishes for a fulfilling New Year!