Wednesday, November 6, 2019

Suicidal tendencies

(Don't let the title scare you.)
Last weekend at drill, our SGT had a whole blow-up at formation (that he had every right to have-don't think I'm laughing at him!) This was about suicide in veterans, which as we all know, is a very real and very tragic thing. And this is hitting home for our company. He had just recently had someone from the company come to him and say that he didn't feel like anyone cared for him...and he was contemplating suicide. Our SGT was ANGRY. ANGRY, I tell you. And you know what? HE HAD THE RIGHT TO BE. This is fucked up. He didn't name the person-but I had a sinking feeling the instant he started shouting at the company, I knew what was going on and who it was. Not going into any details.
Just tonight I got a text from a friend in the Autism community saying that he was extremely depressed-he didn't feel like anyone cared for him-and yes, this individual has contemplated suicide in the past. This kid has had a lot going on in the last few years-first he lost his mom to cancer, then he was in a car accident and was shaken up to the point where he doesn't want to drive anymore (and he drove a truck for a living!) For the most part, his Christian faith and spending long nights in the "prayer room" at his church seem to have kept him sane enough. But his texts were enough to alarm even my asshole Indigo self (and yes, I did let someone know.) 
Tons of individuals commit suicide every day-and the number is rising. And it's the leading cause of death for the two demographics that are the nearest and dearest to me: servicemembers/first responders and Autistics. I'd be lying if I said I haven't contemplated it myself. My guess is, if the OHMR and Search and Rescue hadn't come onto the scene when they did-I would have at least attempted suicide. (Or quite possibly turned to drugs.) Yes, I am a cutter-I'm open about it (and people ARE working with me.) 
Mental health is not a quick fix, and so many struggle every day. I want to give a shout out to Emilie Autumn (the poster child for autistic women) her music has got me through A LOT. Her story is some crazy shit-when you can, pick up her book "The Asylum For Wayward Victorian Girls." It's worth a read.
I'm glad my friend felt as though he could reach out to me though. As I said, yes I did let someone know-our mentor in the Autism community and my mom (she and his mom were very close.) You know what? Keep fighting as hard as you can. 

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