WARNING: I am going to get very spiritual and sappy here. It just was such an awesome experience and I've been feeling so at peace ever since that I just HAD to share.
He has told me not to say his name outright, mainly because he "didn't really do it, I only gave you a push in the right direction. It was overall YOU that decided to make the right choice." Even though, particularly if anyone's been paying attention to my posts for the past few days, I bet for many it'll end up being obvious who he is by the end of this post :D.
But I digress. I just wanted to say that, a certain deity, in the early hours of Sunday morning, did something absolutely wonderful for me. Oops, sorry, no, I ultimately did it for myself, he only encouraged me, he insists. Saturday night, I decided to go to sleep for a few hours and then wake up at around 0300 to first work out and then work a bit on coursework. So I did. I was up a little before 0300, and I wanted some coffee before I got to work. So I made myself some coffee, and decided to listen to inspiring New Age music and meditate in the dark with candles and incense while drinking my coffee.
I got really into it, and then I felt his presence. And what came to mind was an absolutely gorgeous painting that I had seen of him just the other day. Said painting had filled me with so much hope and inspiration-and yes, I am getting a print of it.
And I had a revelation. It suddenly just came to me. It flashed into my mind why certain people that wronged me did what they did. I had a realization, for example, of why one treated me the way he did. And trust me, they had obviously been traumatized themselves. Seriously. These people traumatized me-but they had obviously been traumatized themselves. There was a reason that they acted the way they acted and why they did what they did.
And that's when, right there and then, I forgave them. And I haven't looked back.
There have now been exactly three major turning points in my life: When we found Talisman Programs (the camp and school that I went to for seven years-they are the reason that I'm now involved in wildland firefighting and search and rescue); when I was finally able to come out as a lesbian after YEARS of being in denial; and what happened in the wee hours of yesterday morning. I WAS ABLE TO FORGIVE. And, his voice said that it was ultimately my choice-and I made the right one-to forgive-but believe me, I still do owe a lot to him. Even if it's just an offering of myrrh incense.
He lords over death-and death isn't always physical death. Often death is a metaphor for new beginnings. I will say that, when I was able to forgive, I actually did "die" in a way. And I was reborn into a new life, without the old grudges holding me down.
Now I feel as if I can move forward. Now I can feel that I can step into my new, desired life. That I'm worthy of-and that I deserve.
He's been speaking to me for months now. His first words to me were, as a matter of fact, "You are your own worst enemy." And back around Yule, he told me that he'd be doing a LOT of work for me in the New Year. And I'm ecstatic! Let's go!
(His pantheon LOVES working with Irish and Scottish people! He certainly was honored by the founding mother of the Gaels!)