What am I, faith wise? you may ask. Well, that’s a simple enough question and a simple enough answer. I am a Celtic polytheistic pagan, but sometimes incorporating enough of the Norse pantheon (particularly in the winter) almost enough to be considered eclectic.
So what brought me, a Celtic lass, to the most demonized, misunderstood Norse deity of all? I’m talking, of course, about Fenrir, the Great Wolf of Destruction. Betrayed by Tyr, God of Justice, whose hand he at least succeeded in biting off as Tyr bound him, and bound by a chain contrived from six impossible things, Fenris bides his time, waiting for Ragnarok, where he will become free and unleash destruction upon the Earth.
Fenrir is considered one of the Rokkr, the Norse deities of nature. As the veneration of the Aesir – Odin, Thor, Frigga, Tyr, etc. – is known as Asatru, Rokkatru is a somewhat new practice that pays homage to the Rokkr. Who and what is Fenrir? He is the destructive force of nature. He is nature. And as we’ve always known since the dawn of time, nature is the most powerful force of all. In the end, the forces of nature will always win out.
But enough about that. Back to me discovering my interest in Fenrir…or, perhaps, him discovering his interest in me. So I’m an Indigo Child. I know that the world isn’t all sweetness and light. Not only am I an Indigo, I am one who has the blood of the Tuatha De Danann, in particular Morrigan and Nuada. Not only do I know that the world isn’t all sweetness and light, I believe that for the most part of it “humans” are simply blind, mindless robots. You know what? I sort of hate humans. They’re loud, they’re hyper, they’re stupid…um, no. Yet the world has led them to believe that they are the intelligent ones, above all else. Nothing can be farther from the truth. I see past the lies and deceptions of the world…and it sets my spirit raging.
So when Fenrir, the Great Chained Wolf, beckoned me, was I frightened? No. I was honored.
I am destruction, the voice of the Great Wolf intoned. I am the darkness. But there is no need to fear. What must come to pass…will come to pass.
Most people cower from Fenrir. But am I most people? Hell no.
And I saw Him, the great warg, ink-black with shining red eyes, in front of me, chained in his cave underground. Most would have shit their pants and run away screaming. I was not afraid. I was honored. This was…something, someone, that I was meant to see. Things that I was meant to learn.
As the pandemic tightened its grip on the world, instead of cowering in despair like the vast majority of humanity, I did not feel the terror and heartbreak that most did. Instead…this global pandemic empowered me. For the first time in my life, I truly felt free. I truly felt empowered. While most of the world cried, whined, and despaired, I felt myself rise.
You see? He asked, a tone of humor in his voice. This is me in you! We are both misunderstood, we are both underestimated…and it takes destruction for us to rise!
I understand, Lord Fenrir. I understand.
We’re not what the world wants. But we’re what the world needs.
Why get drunk off your ass in Valhalla all night with the roaring mob, I wonder…when you can be sitting in the brooding cave, learning to see the world for what it truly is? What is that really? Is what we think of as the “darkness”…actually the true path to “Enlightenment?”
I see now, throughout space and time, another young woman. Trained as a shieldmaiden, but also full of wonder and intellect. She now enters the deep, dark abyss. She thought that she knew everything. She thought that she was beloved to Odin. But the Great Wolf has beckoned her.
She is a warrior, but also an adventurer. She wears a sheepskin cloak, to protect her from the cold, dark, Nordic winters, over a bright blue gown that matches her eyes. Her long, thick braids are not light blond like the tresses of most of those around her, but dark auburn – paying homage to her mother, a captured Irish slave. On her cheek you can see a light scar, gained while sparring.
He stirs. She is here.
Do I know who she is, this young woman from across space and time? I don’t. We haven’t spoken yet.
But I know Him that has beckoned her – for He has beckoned me as well.
Sometimes we need destruction…to rise up.
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